Loovya

I will be completely honest, I have been a tad lonely lately. It has been a while since I have had a really meaningful and satisfying relationship. I also think that I am at a point in my life where I can let someone else in to it and share my experiences with. With that said, I have been seeing many boys and have been ultra flirty, all the time for the past few months or so.

I recently was introduced to a nice boy through my roommate. He is physically not my type (not even a little bit). Our skin colors are too similar and I have this issue with fulfilling stereotypes of what other people think I am and the way I should be. That probably doesn’t make any sense, but it’s not really the point. He is absolutely fantastic, in every way. I don’t even care that his skin color is like mine because he is so fucking beautiful. I am crazy about him and he is pretty into me as well. Everything is wonderful right now. But, I am afraid that I manufactured my feelings because I was looking for a relationship. I am fairly certain my feelings are 100% genuine, but at the same time, the mind is a tricky thing and does a good job of fooling people. Humans can rationalize all of their actions. Just look at greedy politicians and how they rationalize to themselves the raping of our planet. I honestly think that W(Dubya) thinks he is a good person and that he is doing good things for the world.

So, if someone can rationalize killing a shit load of people in the name of democracy and justify squeezing every drop of oil out of our planet then I think I can want to be in love so bad that I can make it a reality.

Does this post make any sense to anyone?

~hh

A while ago I was interviewed for an article in Audrey Magazine.

Audrey Magazine is an Asian American women’s lifestyle magazine. It talks about fashion, identity and topics concerning Asian American females. I was contacted a while ago, so far ago that I almost forgot that I had done the interview. But since I decided to subscribe to the magazine, I got the Aug/Sept issue. And what do you know, I’m in it. I knew it wasn’t going to just be about me, but about Asian American women and dating/love. But I was fairly excited to be mentioned in the article. Especially with an enlarged quote. You know in magazines when they take an interview and then off to the side of an article, they use someone’s quote as a eye catcher to the article? Well I got that too. So I felt slightly proud and impressed of myself.

I would attach a link, but it’s not online yet. I think the magazine puts up its online articles after the magazine runs its duration in the stores. So if you want to go a buy it, feel free or you will have to wait till October to read it online, since that’s when the next issue comes out and the Aug/Sept will be put online. But I was sent a PDF of my article and I formatted it so you can all read it. But for some reason, when I upload them to blogger, they turn blue. oops! They still look cool. But the red tones are missing from the pages. You can still read it tho! Hope you all enjoy it! And if for any reason you can’t read the article, email me and I can email you a copy.

Yours Truly,

Dater X 

By Ms. Single MamaI mentioned bad boys in my post, Chaos and Calm, in reference to how I can relate to single mom Kate Hudson having fallen and still bouncing back to her ex-husband, Chris Robinson - a definite bad boy. Got me to thinking - what is up with that bad boy complex thing?I just don’t get it. My ex-husband was definitely a bad boy. Tattoos from head to toe, actually to his butt. He passed out at a party and someone tattooed a Care Bear heart on his ass. But I didn’t see that until it was too late. (Not the tattoo, the fact that he was a bad boy). You see… the bad boys can disguise themselves.They start out warm and fuzzy, lots of compliments honed over time after their experiences with many women. Or they’re just completely rough from the start - sparing in their compliments and leaving you craving more.Over on my blog Vanessa from YouCanGettheGuy.com left this fantastic comment:

“OMG - the bad boy complex! Do you know HOW many women are absolutely wrecked by this same thing? I know I suffered from it for many years (and now consider myself in remission!).You know what I think it is? Its all about attraction. We say we WANT the nice guy, but we are ATTRACTED to the bad boy. It like its evolution-based. Survival of the fittest, you know? the bad boy actually represents what we want our genetics to BE. He is the “alpha male”, the strong one, the survivor and the winner. The “nice guy” - who we want mentally, is not necessarily the strongest.” 

I am also in Bad Boy remission.

Kris was definitely a nerd, but even nerds act like bad boys sometimes and that makes them hotter. WHY? Thomas is definitely not a bad boy but he’s just as hot as the hottest bad boy. And even the Biker was a big mush ball at heart despite his rough exterior. So I have yet to have a bad boy since becoming a single mom.Sweet.But the coast isn’t clear until the fat lady sings or until the single mom stops dating forever.

Tell me about your Bad Boys and your theory on the Bad Boy Complex. What do you think about Vanessa’s comment?

[Photo credit: http://easternwarrior.blogspot.com]�

I’m not going to lie to myself and think that I am every guys type. And I’d like to think that CL is a fairly easy way to not get rejected since if you have all the power of deciding who you want to respond and all. And it’s all over the internet, so you really don’t have any face to face conversation.

I have been emailing with several guys (a girl’s gotta have choices!) from my CL posts. I actually made two posts. One had a picture and the other didn’t. I wanted to do a social experiment with a post with a picture versus one without. And I got about the same amount of response from each. So for girls, I don’t think it really matters if you send a picture or not. As long as you convey your personality in your post and then later in your emails, guys will be engaged. But only for so long.

Guys need visuals. Granted, I think girls do too. But it comes to a point where we want to see a picture of who we are talking to. And here lies the possible rejection. There’s this small waiting period where the insecurities ensue.
“Was that the best picture to send?”
“What if he thinks I’m ugly?”
“Did I look fat in the picture?”
“Why did I have my glasses on?”
“Maybe my hair looked weird.”
I know these are all going overboard. But after you send a picture to someone, it’s really about the visuals and what the other person thinks.

I get a response from this guy that has responded a while ago to a previous post and he responded again. I wanted to see what would happen if I wrote him back telling him that I know I’m not his type and I didn’t want to waste his time or think I’m blowing him off. I thought it was nice enough. But I don’t think it’s a typical response he has gotten. So here’s what happened:

Me: Hi D***, I have actually tried to write back to you once. But I don’t think I’m your type. So instead of you thinking I am blowing you off, I just wanted to write you back. Good luck finding someone fun.

D***: Why are you not my type…..? What is there to loose by trying? I do not ever remember talking to you…..any pictures?

Me: I think I sent you a picture and you didn’t respond. So I figured I wasn’t your type. I’m not offended or anything since I do the same thing to guys when I read the emails they send me or I see a picture of someone I don’t think is attractive. But I just thought I’d send an email back to you explaining since I have actually gotten multiple emails from people asking why I haven’t responded to them yet. I didn’t know guys did that. But I guess they really wanted to write to me twice before I responded.

D***: Well, I never got a picture…I think you should send one and I will definitely let you know whether not I think it would work out….or interested in getting to know more about who dater x is all about…

Me: ha ha ha Does it really matter if I send you a photo? I feel like I have you intrigued already. But here’s a photo I just took for you with my phone. (attached photo)

And after that, all communication with D*** stopped. So in a way, I was totally right. And I love being right. But it still kinda sucked to be proved wrong in this sense.

7/10 I get a responses back after I send a picture of myself. Like I said, I know I’m not every guys’ type and I can deal with that. But I honestly think I am pretty. I am confident about who I am and I know there are people out there who see that. However, with online dating it’s, at times, all about the visuals. And I have gotten pretty thick skinned about being rejected. But it’s the small hint of insecurity that still sucks. Maybe it’s what makes things real still. Rejection isn’t always a bad thing. But it can still sting a little at the time. LOL

Until next time. . . .

Dater Xtina 

I know, I know.  It has been a very long time since I have posted anything.  I have been on a hiatus/personal journey or some lame/melodramatic shit like that.  Apologies to all.

Anyways, I want to have a discussion.  Everyone(I think?  Please don’t tell me I am the freak) has become infatuated with someone at some point in their life.  It just happens.

Well, Henrietta ran into somebody that she hadn’t seen in a very long time.  I had a maj (I abreve) crush on him about this time last year.  He told me all sorts of wonderful things and me, being in a vulnerable state and just plain stupid, thought he was for real.

Side note:  Never believe anything anyone says when they think they are about to fuck you because they are probably lying.

Needless to say, it didn’t work out and I didn’t see him, talk to him, or even run into him until a few weekends ago.

It was awkward and made my heart hurt a little bit.  For the week following the encounter I was a going crazy with my own thoughts and contemplating whether or not I should find a subtle way to contact him.  I didn’t though, listening to my more pragmatic self and not the hopeless romantic bred by hollywood and the media.

But this raised a question to me.  Where does one draw the line between doing what the heart wants and doing what your brain thinks is right?  Maybe I have seen one too many chick flicks and I haven’t seen that many, but part of me still wants that fucking serendipitous happy ending.  Part of me is convinced that that Friday night was my shot to tell him that I still think about him alot and I want to give it another go.  The other part of me knows that if he reciprocated my feelings then we would be BF and GF already and this discussion wouldn’t be happening.

So, what do ya’ll think?

To read the whole story of that evening and to get links to the story of how it all began, click here

By Ms. Single Mama Hi guys. So you’ve fallen for a single mom?I don’t blame you.You’ve found a woman who has been put to one of life’s hardest tests - on her own - and survived. Single mothers are amazing.But, she’s created a life for her and her little ones and letting anyone in could be risky. If you want in, you’ve got to be patient, understanding and respectful.You may be feeling a bit overwhelmed. I’m hoping these tips will help you out. But first, let me preface it with this…One guy dating my best single mom friend, Abby, told me, “someone needs to write a book about dating a single mom.” I shook my head, “no, someone needs to write a book about dating Abby.”With or without her daughter, Abby is Abby and she’s a firecracker.My point. Yes, we are single moms. But kids or no kids, we are still the same people. We still have the same communication issues, the same baggage, the same heart aches, the same dreams, the same goals, the same desires.With that in mind here are some single mom dating tips for the guys. Moms, check out your own dating tips here.

1. Be patient. She may seem rough around the edges - that’s her finely tuned defense mechanism. Don’t worry, in time, that tough cookie will crack and you’ll discover a well of the most rewarding love you’ve ever imagined. But until she can completely trust you - hang on for the ride.
2. No experience with kids? Who cares. We’re all big kids inside. Were you ever a kid? So you do have some experience! Don’t be afraid to get down on your hands and knees and run around with her little ones. Experience or not. If you love her, loving her kids will come naturally. Just because she’s a single mom doesn’t mean she’s looking for Mr. Super Dad. She’s looking for someone who has the ability to completely and totally love her children.
3. She’s testing you. Yes, she’s testing you. She has to. Think about it. Would you want to date a single mom who didn’t have high expectations for who she let’s into her child’s life? Don’t stress out about the tests. Chances are you won’t even notice them. Just be yourself and you’ll pass. The most important thing is to try to understand why she needs to test you. Understand it, respect it and once again, be patient.
4. If she hasn’t introduced you to her kids… don’t pressure her and don’t think it means she’s not serious about the relationship. This is not about you. She’s doing what she has to do to protect her family. Once again, understand it, respect it and be patient. Your reaction to these obstacles and your patience will mean everything to her.
5. Don’t play games. Single moms don’t have time to play games. If you wait three days to call her play any other dating games she’ll lose patience and probably drop you before you have a chance to hurt her.
6. If you aren’t into her - tell her right away. If you don’t have serious intentions or if you don’t think there’s a chance in hell you would ever “settle down” with her than for god’s sake - tell her. You never know, she might be totally up for a casual relationship too. If not, at least you weren’t messing with a single mom, that’s just wrong.
7. Treat her like a princess. This applies to dating all women, moms or not. Just didn’t want you to forget it.
8. Talk to her about her kids. Ask her how they’re doing. Ask how she’s doing. And listen to her answers.
9. If you’re a control freak…you might want to move on. You’re dating a single mom. She’s in control and you might just have to follow her lead for a while before she relinquishes any.
10. If you really want to be with her… prove your worth. Not with money, although money is always nice to have. But with actions. What do you bring to the table? These are questions and tests you usually don’t have to ask yourself when dating single, childless women. But with a single mom, life is happening - right now. How will you handle it? Can you clean? Can you cook? No? You better learn or at least try.
11. Make her life easier. Single moms don’t like asking for help. Take the initiative. Make her life easier. Maybe it’s making her smile, hugging her, taking out her garbage or bringing over some treats for the kids. Bottom line - if you’re making her life easier you’re in.

What you’ll get in return…you get the girl. And what an amazing girl she is. Good luck!If you want more… How to Date a Single Mom, Part 2How to Date a Single Mom, Part 3How to Date a Single Mom, Part 4 [Photo credit: PlanetPersonals.com]�

I don’t know about everyone else, but I keep a list of all the people I have slept with. It’s not like a “to do” list of who I want to do and then I cross it out, but more a list of all the people I have been with. To keep track of everything. I’m not going to lie, it’s not the shortest list (less than 100). But I tend to keep it updated every so often. Just for my own sake. Over the weekend, I was adding two more names to the growing list and re-read all the names that have accumulated. Some names brought back good memories and others bad. And then there were a few that I had no freaking idea who they were. I even thought about some I had totally forgotten about and wondered what they were up to.

But I got to thinking about why I feel the need to keep up with a list. It’s not like anyone else will ever get to see it. And I don’t really go around shouting the number of guys I have slept with. But I just find some justification in keeping a list. Maybe, I want to be sure of all the guys I have been with in the case that someone gives me an STD (hopefully, never going to happen). Or maybe, I am just a masochist who keeps a list to remind herself of the people she has been with, including the bad ones. Really bad ones. LOL

How many of you keep a list of all your sexual partners?

Until next time,

Dater Xtina

He makes love to the sounds radiating outward. Radiating in to me. Like flocks of seagulls flapping so I can taste their feathers and smell their caws. As I ingest, they tickle my throat.

He makes very purposeful, fluid motions as he plays. Moving with the sound, moving with my steadily rising pulse. He is grinding with my ears and breathing through my skin.

The bass line is vibrating hard in my deepness. I breath deep as my back arches. One final stroke of his delicate strings.

I think I need to smoke a cigarette.

I took this little ditty out my journal that I have to keep for one of my classes. I saw a band last week. I can’t remember one of their songs, nor can I recall the name of the band. What I can tell you though is that the bass player was/is my ideal husband. Physically speaking. I don’t throw the term husband around casually either.

He was very tall and had a nice set of shoulders. He had the dorky-hot look. Yanno, the converse, unkempt yet stylish hairdo, with black framed glasses. He is the kind of sexy that you would meet at a bookstore or at Whole Foods. He really did make love to the sounds. The bass line was so deep it was making my chair vibrate and consequently my lady parts.

I made a plan to hit on him after they were done. I don’t play any of that, “they will come to me if act standoffish and mysterious” bullshit. I like to make things happen.

Bad news is he was constantly surrounded by an entourage and what looked like pseudo deep conversations. I never got to make my move.

Good news is that he was probably a pretentious, typical musician, heartbreaking asshole!

By Ms. Single Mama

My fellow single mama and I made a fantastic video on dating single moms. If you are a single mom or if you want to date a single mom (which you should because we rock!) check this video out.

Read more single mom dating tips here.

Before last week, I had never been to a strip club (EVER). Weird, I know. When I first got there, I couldn’t control myself. I felt like an eight year old child who has stumbled upon their older siblings porno mags. I couldn’t stop giggling and I didn’t know where I should focus my eyes.

After I had a beer or three, I calmed down considerably and started to really enjoy myself. It was a hot Saturday afternoon in a concrete jungle somewhere in the United States. There is something calming about losing all sense of time, which is something easily done in a strip club. At the end of my afternoon turned evening I decided that I could not leave with out a lap dance. It would be like running an entire marathon and then not crossing the finish line. I picked a classy lady that I liked. Long brown hair, amazing body and danced to alternative rock, which totally upped the sleaze factor (classy yet sleazy). She pulled me away from my friends to large chair in the back corner of the dim room. Then she gave me a lap dance. I didn’t know what to do, how I should be feeling, or what I should be looking at. Although, I do know that I was incredibly turned on and had decided that that Saturday, was the best Saturday in the history of all Saturdays thus far. Every inch of my body was tingling. I just wanted to grab her and fuck the shit out of her. I felt like one of those sad bastards(no offense), who are there all alone and just leering at the woman. Yanno, the creepy man leer. Either way, it was very enjoyable.

This story brings me to my next point. For a year or two I have been fantasizing about having sex with a woman. I have not fulfilled the fantasy, obviously, mostly because I don’t really know where to start. Since my recent attendance at a strip club my fantasy has evolved from woman to specifically a stripper (or someone who looks like a stripper/general hot sex worker). I have no interest in persuing a relationship with a woman, but I do find woman to be very attractive. When I watch porn (which is rare), I am not turned on by the throbbing, purple cock, but the vag. I think that is the case because when I watch a woman getting off I can recall those feelings to my own body.

So, right now I am seriously considering paying a woman to fuck me. Or putting an ad on craigslist. Two things that I have never done and could be the best/worst decision of my life.

Moral of the story, strip clubs are very nice way to spend a Saturday afternoon and strippers are the greatest people alive.

I’m afraid that I might make a habit of this and eventually bankrupt myself.

I was talking with one of my friends. And he is looking for a single girl to set up with one of his good friends. He asked me if my friend would be interested in going out with his friend. I really don’t like setting up friends with people. But I went ahead and asked her if she was interested, thankfully, she wasn’t. I told my other friend and he was a little disappointed that there wasn’t anyone else that knew that could go out with his friend. LOL I asked, “Don’t you have any of your friends to set him up with?”
He told me he did, but he didn’t want to risk losing two friends.

His logic is this: When two people go out, they tend to only hang out with each other and sometimes disregard their friends from before, that is, until they are single again. So if he were to set up two of his friends together, he would then have a loss of two people. But if I were to set up his friend with mine, he would only have a loss of one friend. Make sense?

Well this got me to thinking of friend custody. What happens when you are with someone and become good friends with their friends. If/When the time comes to break up, who gets the friends? Or is it really up to the friends to decide who they are going to be friends with?

This is a slightly delicate situation because, you either have a really bad break up or one that is more civil, but still hurtful none the less. It is understandable that people expect friend loyalty and all, but there are times when it’s more complicated than that. So really, when it’s supposed to be about just a couple, it’s not. THINK OF THE CHILDREN! ha ha ha

Until next time,

Dater Xtina 

P.S. I had a point, but after writing it, I don’t remember what it was. LOL Thanks for reading this random post.

By Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom. I like to think, or at least tell myself, that because I have a child - I am the ultimate dating machine. I can weed jerks out faster than any single, childless woman could. Driven by my hot maternal instinct I throw weak men to the side, cast jerks back out into the fray and keep my standards high. Because after all I don’t really have the time, patience or need for rif raf. And at the end of the day - it took me a while to get here - I don’t really want one.

Sure. A man would be nice. They do have charming attributes. Like their hairy chests, big deep growls and uncanny knack for pissing me off until my blood boils. And then there’s that thing called sex. That I do miss … incredibly. I am a woman after all. But my kid comes first. If I bring a man into our lives he has to be well worth the time.

I go out on dates often. Men call me even more often. They are falling from the sky - but I don’t want a single one of them. I’m just so happy being single that if a guy wants to get my attention - he’s going to have to knock my door down and blow my socks off. And this is why they’re all around me. They can sense it. My indifference. It intrigues them. That hard to get thing - it only works if you really are hard to get - and, honey, I’ve got that down pat.

If you want a man they can smell it and some of them run away screaming. If the timing is right you might catch a good man when you want one, but chances are you’ll end up with someone just as desperate as you are - and that’s never good.

My advice as you seek out your Mr. Right - forget about him.

I was hanging out with my (guy) neighbors tonight. I listen to their girl problems at times. And I try to give them as good advice as any one could. But I want to share with you all on the Loovya site too.

One of the guys started talking about the dating “game.” He stated that girls like to play a game. And the certain girl who he is interested into, is playing it well. He thinks that girls play a game to make it seem like they aren’t interested in a guy. They want to seem unavailable and distant, so the guys will want to talk to them more. I laughed that he was being so insightful about this. But is there a game? Yes, I think there is a game and we all play it whether we like it or not. But it’s just depends on how well a person plays it.

I don’t think there are rules like “Step One and Step Two” but there are certain “games” that each person plays in order to get to know the other person. I gave the example of someone saying they are too busy to hang out or call. I think that is a bullshit answer. For guys or girls, there has to be at least five free minutes where they can write or call to say hi. Something simple. But I know it’s part of the dating game that we all play. No one wants to seem desperate and too overly eager. They want to seem cool and collected with a hint of interest for the other person. I know it seems silly. So why can’t people be more direct about what they want?

So why don’t my neighbors go right out and tell the girls they are into that they like them and want to take them on a date? Well, simply, they said that they like to play the game because it makes this more challenging and fun. They want to be able to play a little to know that it’s worth it. If you work harder to get something then you will appreciate it more. They gave this example; if you save up to buy a bike, you will enjoy it and appreciate it more if it were just given to you. So here’s the thing, I think deep down we all want to play the game a little. There isn’t a play book to tell you when you are going to strike out. But just like a game, dating is meant to be fun and enjoyable.

Dater Xtina 

P.S. This is from one of my favorite MTV game shows Singled Out. Do you remember it?

By Ms. Single Mama

When you meet someone online there can be sparks.

Lots of sparks. Just from looking at their picture, watching their video or reading their profile. A word or scene may grab you … and then the butterflies start. You decide to talk on the phone and still there are butterflies. But, too many times I’ve met people in the flesh and the butterflies vaporize quicker than you can say online dating.

One of my girlfriends actually called me during a blind online date asking me to bail her out with a fake phone call begging for help. Poor guy. The sparks had been there until they met in the flesh. She had met him for drinks at a bar leaving the evening open with no pre-determined time to call it quits.

To avoid such an awkward situation use these first date tips after you’ve met online.

1. Do coffee … in the afternoon or early evening. Meet a coffee shop. No alcohol, broad day light and if you hit it off - you can always go window shopping or sit in the coffee shop all night.

2. If you must meet at a bar … bring your friends.

3. Always have an “out.” Set your first date on a one-hour time limit. If you do instantly click, just tell him or her your plans can be changed because you’re having such an amazing time (this will impress and flatter).

Do you have any other tips? Any other great first date ideas …

I’m not really sure what to write in my first post. But since my bio isn’t up on the site yet, I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Dater Xtina. I wouldn’t call myself an online dating expert, but I have had my fair share of online dating highs and lows. I write about my experiences with meeting and dating people from the internet.

I’m a 20-something professional living in the rainy city of Seattle. I work at a non-profit that I couldn’t be happier at, but wish it were more lucrative at times. But that’s what I have cute guys to take me out to dinner for. I love to travel to new places, but I still have a soft spot for my hometown, rain or shine. But I really prefer the shine more.

As for internet dating, I have always been curious about meeting and talking to other people from different places since I can remember my dad having a computer. Before there was IE or Mozilla, there was Prodigy.net. I would go on and post on the bulletin boards trying to meet guys. I thought that it was exciting to talk to other people. And as internet technology increased, so did my fascination with the possibility of meeting people from the internet.

Soon chatrooms and AOL Instant Messenger were the “in” thing to do and I was in the chatrooms trying to meet cute boys and asking the infamous question “A/S/L?” (age/sex/location).

I soon discovered that lots of guys wanted to have cybersex or phone sex. At first, I thought it was gross and weird. But after a while, it was something that I became more comfortable with it. I was explaining sex acts over the net or on the phone when I was still a virgin but for some reason, it was so exciting to me. I think one time my mom heard me. AWKWARD!!

I even had a boyfriend that I met from the internet. He was from Mission Hills, California. KaliGuy and I would IM one another and call every night (phone sex included). It was only in that puppy love phase but at the time, it seemed so real. We only met once while I was on a choir tour during high school at Disneyland.

I started my online dating at an early age and it continues today. So I hope to write more and share my dating adventures with all of you.

By Ms. Single Mama

1. Be honest with yourself. What are deal breakers? What must you have and what would you like to have? Try to express these and then you’ll be on a roll.

2. Be funny. (If you can) Don’t take yourself too seriously, but at the same time don’t go over the top with lame jokes.

3. Don’t post a picture of yourself with your shirt off. Please…oh, and drop the pics of you and your best friend Suzy snuggling up in a restraurant booth together.

4. Don’t brag about your amazing book collection and please don’t tell me how much you love to have candlelit dinners and slow walks on the beach.

5. Pick an appealing username. Don’t kill yourself with a play on words…try a play on something like your street name or your dog’s name. Be mysterious. Please, whatever you do don’t pick anything like “BigJohnForYou.”

6. BE REAL.

Good luck! See you out there.

I just had my first real one night stand and it was the most glorious night of my life thus far. One connection, with one person, for just one night. One night of kissing, hugging, touching, wanting, needing, feeling.

It’s like a happy meal for grown ups!

I was in an unfamiliar city with 2 billion unfamiliar faces bustling by. My plans got canceled for the evening so I thought I would grab a beer(just one) before heading back to my hostel. I stopped into a local pub and order myself a pint. I started conversing with the handsome gent to my left. He was Irish(just like everyone else in the pub), funny and sort of spastic. I had no intentions of making any man-friends when I walked into the bar, it just sort of happened.

As we were talking in the loud bar he gently placed his hand on my thigh; this was the point in the night where I knew I needed to make a/the decision, “Am I really going to fuck a complete stranger?”, I asked myself. He would argue that he was not a stranger, he was/is Andy, the Irish gent I made nice with at a bar in a very large city somewhere in the US.

We stepped outside for a smoke but ended up four inches deep inside each other’s face. I not so casually asked where he was going after the bar closed. He was staying with a friend about 20 minutes away. He talked me into taking a cab there only to change his mind and opt for a hotel instead (What a cliche, I know). I offered to split the cost as any 21st century woman would, but he would have no such thing.

Room #4…

When we entered the room it was much cleaner than either of us could have anticipated. He asked what we should do now… as if he even needed to ask. We got down to business immediately. Kissing intensely at first and slowly removing each others clothing. Very soon we were tumbling around the bed in the nude, anticipating what was in store next. He spoiled me in kisses all over my body. He complimented me. He told me how happy he was that he met me. I really don’t care if they were empty compliments that were only relevant rhetoric of the situation at hand. It is nice to hear words like that and even nicer to enjoy them in the moment with out having to worry about what is to come of it in the future, because there is NO future for Andy and I. There is/was only that one night, that one amazing night.

The sex was just OK. He went out to buy more condoms and lube (I love getting guys to do stuff for me, like going out to buy lube at 5 am). Even after we bought lube I was still pretty sore and swollen from the previous hour so we called it quits and decided to have another go after we both had a nap. Before I fell asleep I remember tender touching and him kissing me up and down the entire left side of my body.

We wake up a few hours later and have s’more sex, then we nap s’more, then we wake up and have s’more sex and realize it is time to check out. We hurry to get dressed and get the eff out of that place. We stop to say our good bye’s at the corner, give each other a kiss and head in opposite directions. That’s that.

No strings attached, no checking my phone incessantly to see if I missed a call, no worrying about vicious gossip, nothing but one great night and an awesome story for our friends back home.

I am sort of afraid that I might make a habit out of these casual encounters; I found my self on craigslist last night and taking the personals a little too seriously (something I like to do for a laugh when I am bored). The thing is that I have not been able to enjoy any of my recent sexual experiences and encounters because I am overwhelmed with the constant dialog of, “what is going to happen next”, “does he like me”, “does he wish my tits were bigger”, “are we going to start dating”, “do I want to date him”, “would my friends approve”. So, that one night with Andy, I already knew all the answers to those questions and they were completely irrelevant. That night was about just enjoying the moment, which is something I don’t do enough.

ok, I sound like a hippie now.

Moral of the story: casual sex rocks (for some people, i.e. me)!!!!!!

By: Ms. Single Mama 

There are a few reasons why online dating works and why so many of us 21st century daters are finding each other in cyber space.

1. Eliminating the deal breakers. People have deal breakers for a reason. For example, I can not date a conservative christian. I could but it wouldn’t work out. So let’s say I meet a conservative christian in the flesh (this has actually happened to me), we’re insanely attracted to each other and one thing leads to another. The next thing I know he’s not calling me back because I led him to “give into temptation and betray God.” Online dating would have spared me from this painful experience with one checked little box.

2. Getting to know the real person. When you spend days, weeks or even months e-mailing someone before actually meeting them you are discovering who they really are without lust getting in the way. Stripping communication down to its barest form leaves you with pure conversation. No interuptions, just the person. By the time you meet, if he has a bald spot on the back of his head, you’ll be less likely to run away screaming because you’ve already fallen for his personality (and that is what really counts).

3. It’s fun! Dating online is fun. When your inbox has a new message or a new wink you get a little adrenaline rush. When you finally meet if there isn’t a romantic connection at least you have a new cyber friend.

What have your experiences in online dating been thus far? I have been incredibly disappointed with all of the other sites out there because they don’t let me see the other person’s real personality. Loovya is different. It’s like a social network but we’re all here for romantic connections, whether they be relationships or flings. So enjoy yourself! And above all, relax …

I’m a dating single mom. It’s hard. Very hard. The dating part. The single mom part, not so bad. You get used to it. You adapt and pretty soon, you can’t imagine life any other way. But the dating part - it can be a drag.

I am not in urgent need of a man to “save me.” It would be welcome, but it does me no good to pine for someone to sweep in and make my life easier. It took one year for me to come to peace with this. One year to suck it up and get over the fact that I’m on my own.

This weekend I was pondering my break up with Kris. And then I read Lori Gottlieb’s now famed “Marry Him!” article. I’d read it before, but this time instead of boiling over with rage I could see some of her points.

If you missed it, she’s a single mom (thanks to a sperm donor) and has never been married. She’s also in her mid-30’s and believes that single women and single moms need to start settling for Mr. Good Enough instead of waiting around for Mr. Perfect. And, according to Gottlieb, if any woman tells you she doesn’t want a man she’s lying to you and to herself.

Okay. That’s the part that makes my blood boil.

First of all, she may be a single mom, but she’s never been married to a guy who turns into a jerk. And yes, Lori, there are nice Mr. Good Enough’s who can turn into monsters too. It’s this idea - that to be happy as a single mom, I should be married - that infuriates me. It reinforces the stereotype that just because I’m single and with child - that I must be miserable and desperate for a husband.

But here are some of Gottlieb’s points I agree with:

Men are not perfect. We can’t expect them to be perfect, flawless beings who adore and fawn over us like Queens. I get that.

The pickings are slim. As we age, the selection of good guys left does diminish. After 35, the men big on commitment and starting a family have been snapped up. Do their wives appreciate them? That’s a different story all together.

Single moms have new priorities. When you’re a dating single mom your standards are different. You’re now looking for the perfect partner - not the perfect man. Which is why, when we do find one, we treat him like gold and appreciate him despite his flaws.

So, thanks to Lori’s article, all weekend I was freaking out thinking … “Oh my god, what if I lost my Mr. Good Enough?” So much so that I broke down and called Kris - “was it me? Did I drive you away? Was I a horrible girlfriend?”

“No,” he said sweetly, “no, not at all, why would you think that? We are just at such different places right now.”

And then it dawned on me. I didn’t lose my Mr. Good Enough…we lost each other - because neither one of us was ready to take the plunge, dive off of that cliff and just commit. Which means, that Lori Gottlieb can husband shop all she wants, but this single mom is not ready for one again.

But, if I do meet someone who wants to grab my hand and pull me off of that cliff - I might reconsider. In otherwords, I may be a single mom but I still need the sparks and there’s no way I’m settling.

What do you think about settling? Do you feel like you’re desperate to find someone new - or a new husband?

[Image credit - pulled directly from Gottlieb’s article, here.]

Hello and welcome to our blog!  We are excited to bring you great new content and provide you with some great tips for online dating.  Please visit us often and tell other about the site.  Have a look around and enjoy.

Thanks

Loovya Team

Loovya is a unique online dating community that changes the way singles look at dating. Here at Loovya our goal is to help people attract, interact, and connect. Our approach: We believe that men and women are inherently social and have the desire to interact. While most dating sites focus on sorting through pages and pages of profiles, Loovya focuses on building a more personalized, intimate community. We do this by providing a complete, well-rounded picture of each potential match.